It might be it’s just me but pretttty much every New Year’s eve I plan to start a new life – good riddance old me, welcome new me! I’m usually already a few prosecco glasses in at this time and hyped on energy, plans, and vision for the new, improved version of me – skinnier, richer, in a great relationship and/or having great sex, reading hundreds of books, learning new skills, and travelling the world. And it all starts with the gym – I will start going to the gym.
I like to think that I can learn from my mistakes – I am very smart and capable after all. And I think it was about the time I was on my New me v.14 when I realized there is a bit of pattern to my behaviour; first of January comes and I have a slight headache thanks to the forementioned (plus a few, dozen) glasses of prosecco. So I order pizza…and ice cream. And going to the gym in January? Hell no, everyone is at the gym in January working on their admirable-but-doomed-to-fail -goals. So. A few years ago I postponed my timeline – I will only start with new me in February, after everyone else has failed with their attempts in January and the gyms are a place of peace and quiet again. Turns out that strategy fails as well. So. Time for a new plan!
Now I will not even try to go the gym. Why? Because global pandemic! duh. …So got that excuse going for me (high five, COVID)… What will I do? I will introduce a prequel to my new me – I will fail already before the new year. I think it’s a brilliant idea, feel free to join me in my month and a half of pre-failings. I mean, no one knows this blog exists so can’t really rely on emotional support from you, but hey, imaginary emotional support is just as fine – in my head you are all cheering and nodding in acceptance right now.
If you do happen to be a real person and somehow wander on to my blog, I should mention, this blog is not about low self-esteem. I don’t really have confidence issues (I mean I totally do, but in a fun sad way. We’ll get to them later), I know that I’m a capable, achieved, respected, intelligent career-woman, and also quite ok looking. But. I did let myself go though, I gained a lot of weight the past two years, got lost in a fun emotional whirlpool of a lot of loss and hurt, and forgot who I am, forgot the fight in me. I now need to find my way back.
I know I’ve tried and failed before. But. I’m a highly competitive perfectionist…according to some colleagues “in an unhealthy way”… My colleagues are wrong, obvs. But. I’m willing to try new approaches to prove others wrong. So. I will not try to succeed, I will try to try. I will try to try make the new me 2021 be a success.
I have no clue how I’m going to do this. I do not have a plan. What I do have, is a bottle of prosecco and a hyped up mind. …if I had set success criteria for this endeavour the odds of success would already be going down, oh so down. But I don’t! Success is the worry of 2021 me, 2020 me can still do whatever help or harm to that one.
Also, what I do have is a new blog! I did always aspire to be a writer (amongst pretty much every other occupation in the world too), so maybe this is the start of a beautiful new journey? Stay tuned, imaginary blog-followers.