Day 31 – tried and failed

Needless to say – I failed, miserably. I was not able to even spend a minute or two on self-care every day. I know it sounds sad – but in my defence, Claus died and that made me very sad. It was very tough for me, to see him melting away hour by hour, day by day… just like my plans of my-me-month…Also, I don’t think anyone has the time for self-care every day. Like. How? Unrealistic. Also, I’ve been working most days, from 7am to 11pm, when would I have the time for it? WHEN? Also, I did tell you I’d fail, and I don’t want to be a liar. So.

I mean, how could have I succeed? (cue the excuses). I’m overworked and I had insane deadlines to meet, how could I possibly focus on self-care? And everyday? Impossible. What was I supposed to do? Eat salads and go for walks? Let me tell you about salads and walks. Salads and walks are an option, but they are and option like the guy or girl on your phone you had your fun with once or twice, kinda enjoyed it, but not enough to fully commit to, unless you can’t find anything better. Not a real option are they? …I mean… of course they are… salads and walks, keep waiting, I think you’re totally awesome and I’ll totally come to you one day, I’m just super busy nowadays.

Well, it hasn’t been (all) that bad, and I have truly tried. I did spend a day with a friend in pjs watching brainless reality TV and eating junk food, cookies and popcorn. And it. Was. Awesome. I also spent an hour floating in a sensory deprivation tank one day. There’s something really relaxing about just floating in complete darkness and silence. Maybe it’s the impossiblessness (it’s a word) of bringing a laptop with you to that tiny sci-fi egg of salt water?

And. I did also order a new outdoorsy jacket online; for when I go out for a walk…that I’ll most likely never go on …Which is just one of the many reasons why I don’t have any savings – I keep buying stuff I don’t need… Let’s be honest. Would I go for a walk? Maybe? Keep hoping.

Aaaanyway. What I did do a lot this month was contemplate on why I don’t prioritize self-care, and how I really should. It did make me realize a few key things that I may or may not work on. It made me realize I need to change things in my life and I have no idea how. I’ll try again next year.

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