I should explain. I’m super proud of this achievement but also fairly certain you might have some question marks in your head about it. So. Here’s how a couch and commitment issues go together. It will all make sense after this, trust me.
I’ve moved around a bit in my life; different cities, different countries. I’ve stayed in my current one now for about 5 years and part of me is telling me it’s time to move on, time to find something else. When I moved here I did what I always do; went to IKEA to get furniture. It’s cheap but still nice looking, and most importantly; when I move out I can sell it or give it away without even slightly wanting to take it with me. It’s functional, I need it for sleeping, eating and watching Netflix until it’s time to move on to the next city, next set of furniture. I can easily just pack some clothes into couple of suitcases and jump to a plane or a train. No regrets. No attachments. I always buy it thinking “this will be fine for a couple of years, it’s not like I’m going to stay here forever”. Same with men to be honest. I’ve dated knowing it won’t last. I even select men who I know aren’t right for me, and run away from men who I could see a future with. “This will be fine for now, it’s not like it’s forever”. It’s just for sleeping, eating and watching Netflix with. Easy to step away from. No regrets. No attachments. I can’t commit, I don’t want to, it scares me. I’m fine with temporary. Temporary suits me.
Few months ago I was faced with one of the toughest decisions of my life. My back was killing me. My IKEA couch and bed were dying on me. The home office induced butt-shaped crater in them was full on damaging my back. I needed a change. But. Global pandemic probably not the best time to make risky decisions like switching jobs and/or moving countries. So should I just buy new furniture? But what if I move out? What if my job doesn’t work out? What if I get kicked out of the country? What if aliens attack? What if I get murdered? What if COVID gets me? ..Should I really invest in new furniture if I could die any day now?
I don’t like to be tied down; by furniture, men, or delivery times. But maybe it’s time to move away from “it’s not what I really want, but it’s ok for now” to “I really like this, I want to keep it”. Maybe? I bought that new couch. It has arrived and it’s awesome. I’m already in love with it. I could totally see myself with it for the next few years or so, introducing it to my friends as something that matters, bringing it with me to my next city, country or planet (because aliens). I might even consider finding a man who I’d have similar feelings with. Maybe.
So. Me 1 – Commitment issues 2862. I feel like I’m gaining ground.