Bring it, 2022 – But first, lets’ take a look back, reflect, smile or sigh

‘Bout that time again to reflect on what happened last year, and to start forming those promises for the new year. I’m sure you know them, they’re phrased as inspirational BS, stuff about as believable as calling in sick on a Monday with a sudden weird stomach flu. Most importantly though with these ones, these ones your friends don’t call you up on – they can’t, they are full of shit too. What a wonderful time of the year! Case and point; I started my blog, my me month a year ago and I think we all know how well that turned out. …Although, that was before the new year …because the timing of it would surely have made a difference….. (rolls sparkling new year’s eye make up eyes). Sounds good, doesn’t work.

So. A week ago I met a friend of mine for a drink. Little did I know that before our drink she had already five other drinks. Love her tipsy ass. In addition to getting a very, very informational lecture on what different animal emojis mean in sexual innuendoes she got to reminiscing. Not about 2021, we all know how 2021 went, Co-fucking-vid. Instead, she asked; what has changed for you in the past 5 years. Now that, that got me thinking.

 Where was I five years ago. Start of 2017 I was just recovering from my first (prob not last though lol …not lol, get your act together woman!) burnout, and then, well, more chaos followed, in the good and the bad. Met the love of my life, lost the love of my life. Changed jobs and companies 3 times. Broke up with my mum. Got to my dream position, realized my dream position is anything but McDreamy. Dealt with not one but two potentially life threating illnesses. Met a bunch of amazing people. Saw some truly awesome places while travelling. Thoroughly enjoyed two years of Covid lockdowns and crap. Started a blog with billions of imaginary followers. Spent some time in a mental hospital and got diagnosed with depression, and general and social anxiety disorders. Started tindering again, and as of a week ago have spent my time under palm trees watching the waves hit the sandy beach as a very lovely bartender makes sure I drink enough of fluids by ensuring a constant supply of mimosas. And. And! Had dinner with a boy-band-pretty dude with a penis hat just few days ago (fun story, tell you later). Things are looking better and better (sure, that could also be the n amount of mimosas in my body talking).

So what has changed in 5 years. Iˋm still in the same country and same apartment, I’m still single. But. I’ve made leaps in my career, and leaps with my mental health – I know it might not seem so, but I sure did. And boy do I have weird as stories to tell! How fun!

So, 2022. Looking forward to meeting you. I’m sure you are going to bring waves of good and bad and weird at my way as I move forward on my path to healing. Sooooo looking forward to it! Bring it! I promise to write all about it.

I got a couch! Take that commitment issues!

I should explain. I’m super proud of this achievement but also fairly certain you might have some question marks in your head about it. So. Here’s how a couch and commitment issues go together. It will all make sense after this, trust me.

I’ve moved around a bit in my life; different cities, different countries. I’ve stayed in my current one now for about 5 years and part of me is telling me it’s time to move on, time to find something else. When I moved here I did what I always do; went to IKEA to get furniture. It’s cheap but still nice looking, and most importantly; when I move out I can sell it or give it away without even slightly wanting to take it with me. It’s functional, I need it for sleeping, eating and watching Netflix until it’s time to move on to the next city, next set of furniture. I can easily just pack some clothes into couple of suitcases and jump to a plane or a train. No regrets. No attachments. I always buy it thinking “this will be fine for a couple of years, it’s not like I’m going to stay here forever”. Same with men to be honest. I’ve dated knowing it won’t last. I even select men who I know aren’t right for me, and run away from men who I could see a future with. “This will be fine for now, it’s not like it’s forever”. It’s just for sleeping, eating and watching Netflix with. Easy to step away from. No regrets. No attachments. I can’t commit, I don’t want to, it scares me. I’m fine with temporary. Temporary suits me.

Someecards …you really know me

Few months ago I was faced with one of the toughest decisions of my life. My back was killing me. My IKEA couch and bed were dying on me. The home office induced butt-shaped crater in them was full on damaging my back. I needed a change. But. Global pandemic probably not the best time to make risky decisions like switching jobs and/or moving countries. So should I just buy new furniture? But what if I move out? What if my job doesn’t work out? What if I get kicked out of the country? What if aliens attack? What if I get murdered? What if COVID gets me? ..Should I really invest in new furniture if I could die any day now?

I don’t like to be tied down; by furniture, men, or delivery times. But maybe it’s time to move away from “it’s not what I really want, but it’s ok for now” to “I really like this, I want to keep it”. Maybe? I bought that new couch. It has arrived and it’s awesome. I’m already in love with it. I could totally see myself with it for the next few years or so, introducing it to my friends as something that matters, bringing it with me to my next city, country or planet (because aliens). I might even consider finding a man who I’d have similar feelings with. Maybe.      

So. Me 1 – Commitment issues 2862. I feel like I’m gaining ground.