Mental health is like balancing in a bowl on a cone on wheels that’s on a ball that’s constantly turning

Take a wrong step and ooops, backwards you go. But. And here’s what many people don’t get, same works the other way round; make a small step forward and you will feel amazing; you can have the best day ever, cry because the color of the sky is light (not dark) blue again and you can actually take a breath and smell the flowers. You can feel the warmth, the love, the pride, the progress of the one step…and then realize you are balancing in a bowl on a cone on wheels that’s on a ball that’s constantly turning.

It’s. Not. Sustainable. You will not stay in one place, there is no mellow of a mental health problem, it’s not a chill place, it’s not like people are not doing anything to change it. People are, we are. Ever tried on balancing on anything? A board on a rock as a kid, a balancing board as a fitness freak adult, or the funny as balls as a hotshot on Total Wipeout? If you did, or if you want to try it out now (take a 2by4 and a round enough rock, I’ll wait), you will know it takes a shit ton of strength just to keep balanced, just to stay in that one place and not worse.

The energy it takes just to cope. The energy it takes to function. The energy it takes to maintain at least a bit of our social or job or economical or whatever bits of us…the energy is enormous… and if and when we try to change our position, ideally for the better, we are faced with the balancing act again. And! Let’s keep in mind that the world we live in is constantly turning, and not just in a  geographical sense…although I’m pretty sure that’s true as well…stars and whatnot, horoscopes and tectonic plates. K. What I mean is that our social worlds are changing, friends getting more kids and dogs and exes, family members getting more or less annoyed with us, jobs becoming harder and/or more filled with dickheads, tinder dates getting pissed off for…oh what a fun new post this will make! ..The world is not waiting for us to get our shit together. We are not on solid ground. Any move forward will make our legs wobbly, our hearth tremble, our brains panick…can we maintain this new position? Can we move forward? Will we fall backwards? And same with any fallback; we will take the extra panick, anxiety, shame, blame, energy, and first of all, feel like shit for the step backwards, and then for balancing us again, for again one day to move forwards; energy.

And, so, hence, furthermore, moreover, etc.; here’s the extra extra thing. While we feel like we are alone in our bowl we for damn sure also feel the entire world is watching and judging us. So. If you are yourself, or the whole damn other world, reading this you can help shift and keep the balance for you and/or someone for the better. Help, don’t hurt.

Help leave the past behind and move forward, support building the new way around for the better. Actions speak a millions words, but the rigth words will already be worth millions.

You are not alone!

Day 31 – tried and failed

Needless to say – I failed, miserably. I was not able to even spend a minute or two on self-care every day. I know it sounds sad – but in my defence, Claus died and that made me very sad. It was very tough for me, to see him melting away hour by hour, day by day… just like my plans of my-me-month…Also, I don’t think anyone has the time for self-care every day. Like. How? Unrealistic. Also, I’ve been working most days, from 7am to 11pm, when would I have the time for it? WHEN? Also, I did tell you I’d fail, and I don’t want to be a liar. So.

I mean, how could have I succeed? (cue the excuses). I’m overworked and I had insane deadlines to meet, how could I possibly focus on self-care? And everyday? Impossible. What was I supposed to do? Eat salads and go for walks? Let me tell you about salads and walks. Salads and walks are an option, but they are and option like the guy or girl on your phone you had your fun with once or twice, kinda enjoyed it, but not enough to fully commit to, unless you can’t find anything better. Not a real option are they? …I mean… of course they are… salads and walks, keep waiting, I think you’re totally awesome and I’ll totally come to you one day, I’m just super busy nowadays.

Well, it hasn’t been (all) that bad, and I have truly tried. I did spend a day with a friend in pjs watching brainless reality TV and eating junk food, cookies and popcorn. And it. Was. Awesome. I also spent an hour floating in a sensory deprivation tank one day. There’s something really relaxing about just floating in complete darkness and silence. Maybe it’s the impossiblessness (it’s a word) of bringing a laptop with you to that tiny sci-fi egg of salt water?

And. I did also order a new outdoorsy jacket online; for when I go out for a walk…that I’ll most likely never go on …Which is just one of the many reasons why I don’t have any savings – I keep buying stuff I don’t need… Let’s be honest. Would I go for a walk? Maybe? Keep hoping.

Aaaanyway. What I did do a lot this month was contemplate on why I don’t prioritize self-care, and how I really should. It did make me realize a few key things that I may or may not work on. It made me realize I need to change things in my life and I have no idea how. I’ll try again next year.

My-Me-Month! – I’m the treat behind every door

Ok. So. Full honesty. My last post – wrote that a month ago. So this is take 2 at starting a blog. And also a great way to manage expectations lovely imaginary followers – if I say I do things non-work-related (work me is super efficient and awesome) it’s generally 32-54 business days before stuff actually happens. It’s not the greatest turnaround time, I can admit that, but, well, it’s what we’re dealing with here. So. Just being realistic. Anyways. Super happy to be writing my second blog post that may or may not be posted any time soon. I am also having a glass of wine, a lovely Spanish white wine (goes great with the bottle of prosecco I just finished). For that reason, I have come up with an additional idea to my pre-new-life-start – My me month!

Xmas time is awesome. Not because I would believe in three wise men existing and bringing gifts but because it is just a beautiful time of the year – the candle lights breaking the darkness, the people rushing around madly for a month just to calm down completely for a couple of days, the overly materialistic holiday culminating in quality time with family, the overeating turning into diets just few days after. It is the most beautiful time of the year – peaceful and chaotic and going from one extreme to another. But I’m getting ahead of things. One favourite of mine, as part of this waiting for one extreme to hit another, is the advent calendar – opening one door a day, getting that one tiny piece of chocolate and counting down the days to eating so much chocolate in one sitting you’re ready to sign up for that gym in January.

Bit of a long intro, so how about we try and get to my point: Imagine an advent calendar – but for self-care. Hear me out – it could be chocolate one day, because health benefits, but it could be exercise, massage, reading, learning, developing, reaching out to people we miss, hugging a random dog, meditating, whatever does you good. OR. Not doing something that doesn’t support your mental/physical well-being: I certainly have a lot of those in mind, like maybe, potentially, skipping that weekly bottle of bubbles.  

I’m quite aware that it’s the 27th of November, and I’ve had a couple of drinks, and given my success record with doing stuff I want and need to do, I’d say there’s a 97% chance I will not post this and 99,99% chance I will not follow through with my My-Me-Month plan. But! I also have a track record of starting about a billion things, failing at them, and then starting a billion more, so who knows, maybe this is a numbers game and this try could be the one that sticks. Also, why wouldn’t I try, at least I’ve tried, and if I do fail, who cares. You wont, you’re imaginary!

…aaaaaand here’s the November 29th edit to the post; took me only 2 days to post this! We are doing this!