All these articles about people telling you to set goals and work on them. They are right. You absolutely should visualize your goal, create manageable concrete steps to make it happen and get on it. What’s missing though is your starting point. What’s missing is making sure you are all equipped and ready, realistic, powered up, and made for success, not slipping away. Again, I agree with these articles; making a change is about having realistic goals, realistic assessment of where you are and a plan to get from A to B. What’s missing is the realistic assessment of what’s in our way. Especially, especially! if it’s us in the way.
What if. What if we are our biggest challenge? We can come up with plans and actions for others, for external things, but we might overlook us. We might think we know us, “we’re lazy, can’t keep up with a routine, feel sceptical about …”. But. Dig deeper. Dig deeper.
Before you set to your dreams and stumble and fail to make them happen, think about what’s in your way. It could be time, it could be money, it could be you not waking up early enough in the morning to have a 5km run before work. It could be you not doing something in the now. But. What about you sabotaging yourself getting to your future. What if you, your fear is the block. What if you are actually the one standing in your way? What if you, unconsciously, are preventing you from getting from A to B?
So. As any proper goal setting guide / life coach (I’m so available btw lol) would tell you, let’s start with B. But instead of the normies in the field and their steps to get there, let’s start with the visual. Picture B. Picture your end goal. Tell me what scares you when you think of it. Ever had B, or something close to it? What would B look like? All exciting and great and easy or scary and concerning? What is there waiting for you? If you take the steps to be there, what will it look like? With great accomplishment comes …responsibilities…assumptions…perceptions… in our heads and others, and in our heads about the heads of others.
And the way there? How’s your mind? Supportive? Questioning? Doubtful? Full of aggressive negativity? Either in an actively bad way harming your progress , or with good intentions blocking your way, blocking your future hurt. Whatever your mind’s reasoning we need to have a chat about why are we in our way; to scare, protect, block or sabotage.
So. Let’s have a chat with our mind. Have a conversation. Write stuff down; What and where do you want to be? Why? And. When you will be what and where you want to be, what will hit you?
- Been there or close by and got hurt somehow? How?
- What can hurt you?
- What can destroy you?
- What do you need to deal with you don’t have to right now?
Is that what you think might happen? Do you know it will or is that an imaginary scenario in your head? Where’s the proof?
I myself want to be looked up to. I have very humble goals of being the smartest, most respected, prettiest, happiest, most successful person in the world. I love the idea, dream of it. But I’m also very aware of what it comes with; constant visibility and judgment. Each move, each win or mistake will be judged by multiple others, not just in my close circle of friends but with a broader audience. I will be in the spotlight. If I win, it’ll be great. But if I lose, if I make a mistake, I will be laughed at, judged by all.
It’s paralyzing. Strong. Massive. I’m safe for not doing it. I used to live for the change, not giving a s… about what others thought. The past 2-3 years I’ve lived in the convenance and safety of not making waves. I’ve gained tons of weight, lost my fighting spirit, got used to merely existing. I dream of one day being the prettiest, smartest, most respected again. But. That would require me to make a change. That would require me to expose myself to all the internal and external judgment again.
Should I or should I not. Make some waves or purely live by. I see value in both, I understand both. But. If you want to make a difference, it better be your choice for the right reasons, for the right reality. I get just wanting a calm life. I get wanting more. I want more. I do want to make a difference again, and, well, that will require me to face my fears and doubts. It will be scary as hell.
So. My choice. Your choice. Our life. Let fear dominate us, or address it, use it as a building block. Let fear make us stronger, better, smarter (you got it Kanye!), and readier. And I do mean readier. AND if that’s not a word it really should be. I don’t just mean really, I mean reallier.
If you want to make a change, face your fears. Face your mountains of fears. Climb on top of them, step on them. Use them as a view point of all you can be, of all that could and is there waiting for you. All that you can start with if and when you put your fears behind you.